Month: November 2024

Haagen-dazs in Heaven, Not in Hell

Imagine if Haagen-Dazs was served in heaven.
I wonder if it would taste any more heavenly than it does on earth.
On the other hand, it tastes so divine here, I can’t see it tasting better anywhere.
However, it would probably be free in heaven and have more flavors.
I don’t think Haagen-Dazs would be served in hell, if ice cream could be frozen there.
I suspect the eternally damned denizens of hell would be devilishly tortured with tasteless store-brand ice cream – never to have Haagen-Dazs again.
That would be worse than being harassed by demons, scorched by hellfire, or burnt by brimstone.
None of that could compare with the torturous torment of being deprived of even so much as
a teaspoonful of Haagen-Dazs forever.
I think I’ll go to church this Sunday … just in case.

Bob Boyd

Imagine if Haagen-Dazs was served in heaven.
I wonder if it would taste any more heavenly than it does on earth.
On the other hand, it tastes so divine here, I can’t see it tasting better anywhere.
However, it would probably be free in heaven and have more flavors.
I don’t think Haagen-Dazs would be served in hell, if ice cream could be frozen there.
I suspect the eternally damned denizens of hell would be devilishly tortured with tasteless store-brand ice cream – never to have Haagen-Dazs again.
That would be worse than being harassed by demons, scorched by hellfire, or burnt by brimstone.
None of that could compare with the torturous torment of being deprived of even so much as
a teaspoonful of Haagen-Dazs forever.
I think I’ll go to church this Sunday … just in case.

Bob Boyd

Imagine if there were no life after life.
No heaven. no hell. no afterlife.
Your life just shut down like your computer.
All the near death experiences,
all the visions and dreams,
suggesting live continues
into the afterlife
were all illusionary.
And all that was you
erased forever.
I believe in what the NDEs tell us –
life goes on forever,
but if we all die into nothingness
I’ve reached a point in old age
where I’d be okay with that.
I no longer fear obliteration.
I can now accept it easily.
I used to worry about it in my youth
until I realized there’d be no me
to worry about if I died,
and the I that is me
died forever.
Now that I’m older
and my dying day is closer
I can accept the possibility
of dying into nothingness
even easier, and I’m okay with it.

Bob Boyd

for the first time since
he fell in love with her
he realized she was just what
was contained inside her gray matter
her face, her arms, her legs
and everything else
were not the real her

she was just that brain organ
lodged inside her beautiful head
the rest of her were only accessories
that her brain moved and directed
like an ingenious puppet master

and her personality,
thoughts, feelings
moods and quirks
were powered by it

and the day came when
although he loved her beautiful face
and her curvaceous body
he knew he could never
get along
with her gray matter

bob boyd

he was harmless but eccentric.
50 years old and lonely,
he’d never been with a woman.

he had a little girl’s dollhouse
he’d kept since childhood
when his sister abandoned it.

he dreamed of being
with pretty women
that he saw daily
on the city streets.

since all of them
ignored him
and he knew
none would ever
be with him,
he carved
little wooden dolls
that looked like them.

he kept the wooden dolls
in his little girl’s dollhouse
and dreamed that they
were real and loved him.

he talked to them
as if they were alive
gave them names
and put little doll
dresses on them.

he made up birthdays
for each doll
and bought tiny
christmas presents
for them all.

he talked sweetly
to the wooden dolls
and kissed each one
good night every night.

at age 55 he died
with 100 wooden dolls
in his dollhouse
and never knew
the love of
a real woman.

bob boyd

she was always attracted to white witchcraft
nature, herbs, and casting kindness spells
held a great appeal to her.

her family didn’t understand her.
fundamentalist christians, they thought
she was indulging in the works of the devil.

when her father was dying of cancer
and had only three months to live
she diagnosed him with her second sight
and cast a special kindness spell that healed him.

her family never knew she helped them,
and they never reconciled with her.

bob boyd

the rasbora fish hover in the aquarium
almost like suspended animation.
are they contemplating
the mysteries of the universe?
are they having a moment
of group self-reflection?
are they telepathically having
an important meeting?
or are they just chilling out in
the warm water?
i would like to know how it
feels to live and swim
underwater like they do
but i suspect
i’ll never have any gills.

bob boyd

jingle bells
snow falling
chestnuts roasting
sleigh rides
smell of pine trees
blinking tree lights
dangling ornaments
many presents
wrapped with care
hanging stockings
full of surprises
a child’s first christmas
filled with joy

bob boyd

he can’t remember
when he first
became aware
of the fact
he wasn’t
going
to get out
of this life
alive

he thinks
somewhere
in those
blissful
innocent
years
of childhood
he must have
thought he
was forever

curiously
he didn’t
feel disappointed
when somehow
at some point
in the time
of his childhood
the realization
that he would
die someday
occurred
or was
revealed
to him

he must have
not completely
believed
he would die
and maybe
some of that
illusionary
thinking
stuck with him
because it still
hasn’t fully
dawned on him
that he is
going to die

bob boyd

the life of the party
in his unbridled youth
always loads of friends
happy days and happy nights
good times and good friends

now an old man
he’s a stranger in his life

the friends
the good times
are all gone
the party’s over

his friends moved on
most of them died
even his wife of 70 years

he’s all alone
and just living
to die

bob boyd

The old man shivers
he’s in his apartment
it’s winter
the temperature is below zero
he can’t afford the high cost of heat
he wears layers of clothes
he drinks hot coffee

it’s not enough
he still shivers
he’s still freezing
he’s all alone
with no one to help

he knows he’s close to freezing to death
he doesn’t care about living anymore

his breathing becomes shallow
his pulse becomes weak

he tries to light one last cigarette
but he’s lost his coordination
his reflexes too
his muscles have become stiff
he can’t light the match

he closes his eyes
takes a faltering final breath
his heart stops beating
and he dies

Bob Boyd

We thought we were political pundits.
We knew our political choice was right.
We knew we were like celebrity gods
above the ill-informed masses.
And we knew the left was best
from watching CNN and MSNBC.
We were glad to do candidate endorsements,
especially for some lucrative gigs.
We hadn’t expected the low information voters
to be tone deaf to our informed political choice
and choose to vote the other way.
We cannot live in a country that
has gone Fourth Reich.
So we are leaving America
and packing our bags
with our broken hearts
and busted egos.

Bob Boyd

How sweet it is
when they “eat their own.”

You can’t get enough of it.
It is so deliciously satisfying.

And it seems so righteously
just and heartwarming.

It makes one think
there is still some justice
in this politicized world.

Bob Boyd

On Tik Tok she advocated poisoning men after Trump won the presidential election.
She went quite crazy, totally brainwashed by fake MSM lies
that she lacked the brains or discernment to see through.
She even bought a ring you could keep poison in,
as if she were serious about her insaneness and might actually act on it.
She has terminal TDS, and she has lost her MSM poisoned mind.

Bob Boyd

1933: She drank all the Kool-Aid. She believed all the propaganda.
She was proud of her brand new Nazi guard uniform,
and she enjoyed tormenting the jews in the concentration camp.

1995: She drank all the Kool-Aid. She believed all the propaganda.
She was proud to be a cult member,
and she enjoyed pouring sarin gas into those subways in Japan.

2024: She drank all the Kool-Aid. She believed all the propaganda.
She was proud to be a Leftist,
and she cut off all her hair and shunned men when her party lost the election.

Of course, the Kool-Aid doesn’t always lead to this … but it has, and men drink it too.

Bob Boyd

Jed loved to hunt and kill animals for sport.
He even killed an innocent baby deer.

He boasted about his kills
and hung their heads on walls.

When he decided to take on
dangerous animals, the lions in africa,
Jed killed a lion’s mate. And he unknowingly
became the hunted.

When Jed was asleep in his tent
dreaming of more kills, the
enraged and avenging lion
tore through Jed’s tent and
bit his head off ending Jed.

The lion kept the head in its den
where it had seven other human heads,
like the animal head trophies on Jed’s walls

Maybe I shouldn’t have thought this way,
but it seemed a just end for a serial killer
of countless animals, especially
the sweet and innocent baby deer
Jed savagely slaughtered.

Bob Bob

I see the cat across the street
eyeing a squirrel curiously.

Is she thinking of killing him,
like a harmless fluttering bird,
or is she just wondering what
he is doing and nothing more?

Were the cat to try to catch
him, I think he’d be too fast
for her, especially up a tree.

I see the cat crouch and wag
her tail, and I know she’s about
to spring at the squirrel. The
squirrel wise to the cat’s plan,
stands up and makes a kuk kuk
sound and seems to taunt the
cat who growls and springs.

The squirrel too fast for the cat
speeds up a telephone post.
The raged cat follows seeming
too mad to cease the chase.

But when the squirrel leaps
on a telephone wire, the
cat too enraged to forgo the risk
tries to navigate the shaky wire
and keep chasing the squirrel.

The squirrel says kuk kuk again
turns on the wire adeptly and
swats the cat off balance, and
the cat flies off the wire.

The cat is airborne for a moment
until her body is smashed on
the concrete street and run over
by a garbage truck.

The squirrel looks at the dead
squashed cat and makes a
ku-u-ku sound as if celebrating
his enemy’s road killed demise.

Bob Boyd

He said like Chinese emperors his family were the descendants of dragons.
He said his family had all reincarnated from back then.
He told me more crazy stories that made no sense.
I knew sadly he’d lost all his marbles,
and his brain would never be right again.
But I hadn’t expected him to kill his mother and father.
and be on the run from the police
and kill himself at the end of a rope on an old oak tree
behind St Mary’s Catholic Church on Christ’s birthday in 1993.
Maybe killing himself on Christ’s birthday behind the church was his idea of repenting and seeking the mercy of Christ.
Whatever his reasons for taking his parents and his own life,
I think he was too far gone crazy to be accountable
and he must of had too many inner demons to commit such infamy.

Bob Boyd

fred and mary had been happily married for 30 years
until fred got laid off at the automobile manufacturing factory
when the plant relocated to mexico for cheaper labor.

fred was in his fifties and had no other marketable skills
than assembling parts of cars coming off the assembly line
no one could pay him anything near the money had made
at the automobile manufacturing factory

mary went to work at a large retail discount store
to help with the finances and get away from fred
who had become so depressed and miserable
that their marriage was beginning to fall apart

the manager of the store took an interest in pretty mary
paying her lavish compliments that mary began to like
soon she was in an affair with him and felt some guilt
but not enough to stop seeing him in seedy motels

a mentally broken fred found out about the affair
when a friend called him and told him about it
while mary was at work flirting with her boss
fred grabbed his AR-15 rifle and jumped in his car

he drove 80 miles an hour to the discount store
he passed a patrol car that raced after him
he forgot about killing mary and her boss
drove off a bridge into a lake’s deep waters

when the police and the divers brought his car
out of the dark waters they didn’t find fred in it
they dragged the lake and found his drowned corpse
now people claim they see his ghost at the lake

mary suffered some misfortune after that
her affair with her boss was found out
by the companies corporate headquarters
they fired mary and her boss and they broke up

seven weeks later mary’s boss died unexpectedly
after he had a terrifying nightmare of fred
during a fitful night of difficult sleep
he woke up and died of a massive heart attack

that same night mary had a nightmare of fred
he was as terrifying as demon in it
in the morning when mary woke up
she died of a massive heart attack too

bob boyd

it was horrifying when the people around him
turned into hostile aliens overnight
he woke up one morning and even his wife was one
he saw her put poison in his morning coffee
and he snuck out of the house

the people he worked with had transformed too
it was all so terrifyingly alarming
nobody saw it coming
even the president had become one
the news people on tv too
except on lone newscaster
who said it had happened worldwide
right before a gang of aliens
abducted him live on tv

a few of his workout buddies at the gym
had been resistant to the takeover
maybe they had something in their genetics
that made them immune to the
planetary alien human takeovers

he banded together with his gym buddies
they took off for the mountains
to hide and plan a resistance movement

unwittingly they drove into
a mountain operations center
of the aliens and got caught

since they were not transformable
the aliens had no use for them
as if they were defective goods

and as with all the other
non-transformable humans
the aliens slaughtered and packaged them
into alien gourmet delights

bob boyd

when he lived in florida for many years
he liked those little florida lizards
they reminded him of chameleons
he saw on the backs of comic books
when he was a young boy

and you could mailorder one
for a reasonable price

he never got one of them
but he still wishes he did

he liked the way the little florida lizards
always did mini pushups
maybe it was a mating thing
he wondered in those
comic book chameleons
did the same thing
but it’s too late to find out

you can no longer find them
on the backs of comic books
and he doesn’t know if
those comic book chameleons
were real or fakes

bob boyd

they’d been nice quiet kids
fun and peaceful until
they moved to a bigger city
and they became thugs
the change was alarming
nice quiet kids gone so bad
merely from a change of cities
and troublemaking friends and
small time criminal influences
a little over a year later
both of them sent to prison
robbed and killed a man
nice quiet kids now felons
locked away forever

bob boyd

I’m a curiosity to my Siamese Fighting Fish.
At least he doesn’t want to fight me.
I wonder what he’s thinking.
I wonder if he has many, if any, thoughts.
Or if he’s a bit of a philosopher and
wonders if I’m some kind of a giant god
or an insignificant dolt who just feeds him.
Maybe he believes in reincarnation and
is sure someday he’ll be like me,
maybe feeding fish as well.
I’ll bet he doesn’t believe in hell.
Maybe when he’s resting in his stone hut
like a religious hermit, he’s meditating.
I wonder if he’s had a satori or two
or perhaps a samadhi Hindu-style.
Maybe a Christian mystical union
and he’s seen the Ruler of everything,
Or maybe his highs are merely as
simple as enjoying the food I feed him.

Bob Boyd

I see her looking at me
disdainfully.

I know her love for me
has drained out of her heart.

Just a year ago, she said
she’d never stop loving me.

Amazing how a little time
can change the course of love.

Now I don’t love her either;
I never really knew her.

It took time for her real self
to come out of her.

When it did, I couldn’t believe
all the dark things I saw.

She only wanted me for
the money I had inherited.

When the money ran out,
she had no more use for me.

I know she will leave me soon
to find someone with more money.

And I’m good with that, farewell
and don’t ever come back.

Bob Boyd

she never thought she’d get old
she had felt eternally youthful
and remarkably beautiful
until time began to erode
her youth and her looks
and fewer men noticed her

her mirror abandoned her
and make her look older
she tried botox treatments
and many surgical fixes
but her face and her body
still kept aging badly
the wrinkles and discomforts
kept increasing daily

but eventually she adapted
and finally aged gracefully

bob boyd

the fall leaves are leaping off the trees
maybe is their last hurrahs hurling into the air
a final gasp of freedom from being tied to trees
maybe the freedom for a few moments is worth
the suicidal leaps into the grounds and streets
maybe living a short but exciting life of glory
is worth that plunge to end seasonal bondage

bob boyd

he works in a factory
just like his father and his father’s father did.
he went to college, got a degree in English Lit,
couldn’t find a decent paying, prestigious job.
makes more operating a whining machine
that punches holes in metal incessantly.
dreams of becoming a famous writer,
writes books at night.
believes he has it in him to write a bestseller
that will be made into a blockbuster movie.
his books keep getting rejected by publishers
one editor wrote, “don’t quit your day job.”
he inhales the foul-smelling factory air,
suppresses the feelings of failure
and dreams of another life.
but feels trapped in the factory,
like his father and his father’s father did.
maybe factory work in his blood
and he can’t get it out.

bob boyd

He was waiting for God to turn off his lights, tired of living, aging had reduced him
to a pill-dependant pulp.

He had no love left in his life. His lovers had died or left him.

He had nothing to live for. He lost his zest for living.

Confined to a wheelchair in an uncaring nursing home, he prayed everyday for God to end his dreary, pain-ridden existence.

He’d lived eighty and nine years, been enough, seen enough.

Before he reached an agonizing ninety years, mercy arrived, and God turned off his lights.

At first his world went dark. Then it lit up with unconditional love. And he found eternal peace, unconfined and forever loved and free.

Bob Boyd

it was real
it was hideous
it was coming after him
horrifying beyond imagination
seemingly unstoppable
seemingly demonic
the terror of all terrors
his crazy off her meds
ex wife gone bonkers
with an ax in her hand
and glowing red eyes
screaming like a banshee
hellbent on killing him
and sending him to hell
he went a little insane too
and quoted the exorcist
in the movie The Exorcist
he starting yelling
the power of Christ
compels you
the power of Christ
compels you
her glowing red eyes
turned angelic blue
she stopped screaming
dropped the ax
and said I love you

bob boyd

Taste with their feet
subsist on liquids only
have transparent wings
cold blooded species
need warmth to live
miniscule lifespans
live 15 to 29 days
I’m sad they don’t
live longer lives
as beautiful as
they are
the butterflies

Bob Boyd

You can’t trust the mainstream news anymore,
lies, misinformation and partisan biased,
brainwashing viewers, many are celebs.
It stuffs the brains of undiscerning viewers
with nonsensical and hateful untruths,
turns them into haters of whomever it demonizes
day in and day out ad nauseam.
The constant repetition of the lies
penetrate the minds of the believers
and turns them into left leaning shills.
It wasn’t that way when journalism was objective
and you could believe the mainstream news.

Bob Boyd

they came through the walls,
reptilian-looking aliens,
a horrifying sight,
though only six-years-old
she was used to them.

they were her friends
and had empowered her
to be the next world leader.
she had the right intellect
and the finest implants
to be a young messiah
and win the world for them.

they charted out her path.
they cleared the way,
killed human obstacles
before they rose up.
the world was theirs
and she was one of them
inside the body of a little girl.

bob boyd

ungrateful

she never had any respect for my mind –
no appreciation for my intellect.

in the end before she left,
she no longer appreciated
my full and loving heart.

bob boyd

she just wanted a normal relationship
without a man mucking up her life.
she’d given men her best shot;
none of them ever worked out.
they lied, cheated, and failed her
despite her determined efforts
to make those relationships work.
after decades of lovelorn loves
she gave up at age seventy,
too fed up with the failings,
too fed up with irregular men.

bob boyd

born into a devout, catholic family,
he had divine religious advantages.
small wonder he was a devout kid
and knew one day he’d be a priest.
he received the body of Christ
in the eucharist for twenty six years
before he became a catholic priest.

surround by all the catholic graces,
born to be a roman catholic priest,
how could he have gone so wrong
by molesting young, catholic boys?

he ended in prison, a convicted pedofile
in the other inmates glaring kill sights.

a dead man with a bullseye
on his once a pious priest back,
a year after his incarceration
he was murdered viciously in his cell
his legacy, a failed catholic priest.

bob boyd

A husband and wife team,
they were slick grifters
tricking people into believing
they were possessed or had ghosts.

They made a lot of money off their grift
pretending to be exorcists
and got a lot of publicity and
a book and a lucrative movie deal.

Their grift came to a horrifying end
when they messed with real demons
and tried their fake mumble jumble
and both got possessed.

It seemed maybe those demons
had some unexpected sense of justice
and kind of avenged all the wronged,
like the documentary portrayed it.

Bob Boyd

In high school girls called Mark ugly,
and he became less attractive when older,
too ugly for women to get a date he knew.
But when Mark won a million dollar lottery
suddenly, unexpectedly, he became handsome,
and beautiful women were all over him.
Funny how one’s fortunes can change
when it comes to one’s appearance to women.

Bob Boyd

I never wanted to know when I was going to die.
Now an old man, I wouldn’t mind knowing
since I’ve reached seventy and nine years
and don’t give a damn about dying.
If I knew the time and the hour,
I could do some crazy things
and some sane things before my demise.
I could spend all that I have in my bank account,
maybe on a train trip across the country and
other things I wouldn’t spend money on now.
I could gorge myself on all the forbidden foods,
more chocolate, ice cream and pastries.
I could go out having had a good and
uninhibited time.

Bob Boyd

this life seems like a luck of the draw
what you are born with
what you are born into
where you are born
whether you are born into peace
or born into turmoil
whether your parents are poor and starving
or rich and well fed
whether they are unkind and abusive
whether they are kind and caring
whether you are born into a first world country
or third world country
whether you are born with everything
or born with nothing
sometimes i think it all sucks
this luck of the draw
and those who get stuck
with the short straw
and i yearn for a shangri-la
where everyone is equal
and nobody suffers
i hope it exists in the life
after this one if we
are all lucky.

bob boyd

On a quiet walk in a peaceful park
Feeling lonely without a love,
Suddenly Bigfoot appeared before me
With a translucent bow and arrow
Aimed directly at me.
Stunned, shocked, I froze.

Bigfoot pulled back the bow string
And fired the translucent arrow
Directly into my racing heart
Without an entry or exit wound,
Without me being hurt or dead.
I can only say it was magical.

Instead of pain, I felt bliss
And the translucent arrow
Had vanished within me,
Leaving me feeling lovestruck.

A moment later you appeared.
When our blue eyes locked,
I knew it was true love,
And I’m forever grateful
To a cryptid cupid for you.

Bob Boyd

they fell from space all over the world
world leaders and scientists amazed
considered them gifts from benevolent aliens
never had more beautiful orchids been seen
never had any been more sweet smelling
until the orchids turned into lethal weapons
and sprayed poison all over the earth
the beautiful became ugly and wicked
their lingering poisons lasted for centuries
killed every living human all over the world

bob boyd

“enjoy the hell of your own making,” she said.
after she got mad at him for breaking up with her.
unknown to him, that hell meant more
than just being without her.
she had an aunt who was a black magic witch.
she paid her a lot of money for a horrific spell.
he began having terrifying, demonic nightmares,
after one of those horrifying, hellish nights
he woke up possessed and crazy.
killed himself by jumping off a bridge

bob boyd

drones flew over military bases
a number of times for days.
no one did anything about it.
by law they couldn’t blast
the drones out of the sky.
when the drones flew
over the bases again
unimpeded, unchallenged,
they blasted the bases
to bits.

bob boyd

A brilliant kid in high school, he got a scholarship to
an ivy league college. aced all the courses there.
graduated and came home radicalized, antisemitic, and woke.

Spent his ivy league degree on many crazy and violent protests,
graduated to a seven year jail sentence.
ivy league colleges aren’t what they used to be.
now recruitment grounds for future radicalized kids
who, though bright, buy into the radical, america-hating dogma
and are impressionable and lack common sense.

bob boyd

gentle people
we need more of them
never start any trouble
never try to intimidate others
never bully anyone
never cause a ruckus
the real salt of the earth
the good people
the peaceful ones
we need more of them
gentle people

bob Boyd

i sink into in my arm chair
sadness weighs me down
i don’t want to ever get up
i wish i could just die here

my veronica died last week
and she will never be again
and we will never be again
my life and my heart done

without her I have nothing
my whole world is gone
and I don’t know if I can
go on without her love

bob boyd

he told his wife aliens came into their home
and abducted him to their spaceship,
and put him in a tube standing upright.
extracted some of his essences out of him
for what he said he wasn’t really sure.
his wife thought he’d gone slightly insane;
she wondered if he needed to be evaluated
to see if his mental faculties were intact
until she saw the aliens manifest one night
and take her husband away forever.
now she’s a person of interest to the police,
and they think she should be evaluated
because of her insane story about aliens
being the cause of her missing husband.

bob boyd

she boasted about being a feminist.
she was overly vocal about causes
except when men began to invade
womens’ sports and dominate them.
i couldn’t believe she stayed mum
about that trampling of women’s rights,
about the losses of college scholarships,
and women getting injured by males.
i concluded she was a hypocrite,
and her feminist bravado rang hollow.

bob boyd

with crazy brianna my heart went off the rails
and i lost my ever-loving mind.
with brianna my bank account got drained
and i almost went irrevocably insane.
after five agonizing years i finally got away from her
and began a normalized brianna-free life.
but that wasn’t enough for crazy her;
she stalked me and put a kitchen knife in my back
and almost succeeded in killing me.
now crazy brianna sits in prison for many years
and my physical and mental wounds are healed
and i have a new start with a saner woman

bob boyd

aliens claim they created us
with occasional upgrades.
some ufologists buy into this,
but when people are clinically
dead and return to this life,
none of them see aliens
when they reach the apex
of the afterlife heights
and meet with the source
of all, the unconditional love,
they don’t see alien overlords.
of course, you could exclaim
behind the curtain stands
an alien wizard of oz.

bob boyd