Me, Jed and big Billy
drove up to the
Great Smokey Mountains
in North Carolina
to visit his hillbilly uncle
in big Billy’s new Chevy car
he loved like a baby boy

when we met his hillbilly uncle
a bearded old man
who looked like a wizard
he told us strange tales
about creatures called dogmen
and said to not go into the forest
if we wanted to live

his crazy talk about dogmen
his freshly made moonshine
flowed all through that day

I have to admit the old man’s
crazy talk was entertaining
his moonshine was good
better than Budweiser beer

but the wooden crosses on the doors
the windows all over his house
and the two around his neck
were a bit much

but all the crazy talk became real
when we heard the heart stopping howls
coming closer and closer from
somewhere deep in the forest
scared, we peeked out the windows
saw three huge, godawful creatures
half human half dog, glowing red eyes
sounds of growling
the beasts creeping out of the forest

when they reached the old man’s house
they started smashing big Billy’s
brand new Chevy car
they banged on his uncle’s
front door

big Billy drunk on his ass
not afraid of anything
pissed off about what
the dogmen were doing
to his brand new Chevy car
grabbed his uncle’s ax
next to the wood and
the crackling fire
in his uncle’s fireplace

charged outside
began swinging that
ax like a madman at the
three dogmen

until one of them
clawed his head off
and they carried big Billy’s
headless body into the
darkness of the forest
behind his uncle’s house

we asked big Billy’s uncle to
call the police, but he said
that won’t do no damn good

the police ain’t gonna mess
with them dogmen
they know the dogmen
will kill them too
and they have wives
and youngins to feed

we called the police anyway
reported what the
dogmen did to Billy
nothing the police could do

in the distance deep
in the forest
the howls started again
scared out of our heads
trembling uncontrollably
about to piss our pants

we scrambled outside
jumped into big Billy’s
banged up and dented
brand new Chevy car
jump-started it and
got the hell out of there.

Bob Boyd