Author: Bob Boyd

monsters weren’t scary to him
they didn’t frighten him one bit
it was humans who scared him
worse than fake monsters
he always said to everyone
he knew by experience
what he was talking about
with his first pets he killed
and all the people after that
he became a monster himself

bob boyd

he used to listen to ghosts talking
with white noise on spirit boxes
he traveled to haunted locations
in small towns and big cities
eventually he started hearing
the ghost talking all the time
without using the technology
thy talked inside his head
eventually the talking began
to take possession of his mind
and he heard the ghosts telling
him to become one of them
he jumped off a bridge and did
now others hear him talking
with white noise on spirit boxes

bob boyd

what causes ghosts?
are they just rewinds
of images of people
who die accidental
or horrible deaths?

are they dead people
who for unknown
reasons can’t find
their way
to the Light?

and if they are real,
why do some people
become ghosts
and not others?

maybe as some claim
they’re just
imaginary effects
of electrical waves.

whatever the cause,
real or unreal,
no way I’d ever
spend an eerie
night in a
haunted house.

bob boyd

Haagen-dazs in Heaven, Not in Hell

Imagine if Haagen-Dazs was served in heaven.
I wonder if it would taste any more heavenly than it does on earth.
On the other hand, it tastes so divine here, I can’t see it tasting better anywhere.
However, it would probably be free in heaven and have more flavors.
I don’t think Haagen-Dazs would be served in hell, if ice cream could be frozen there.
I suspect the eternally damned denizens of hell would be devilishly tortured with tasteless store-brand ice cream – never to have Haagen-Dazs again.
That would be worse than being harassed by demons, scorched by hellfire, or burnt by brimstone.
None of that could compare with the torturous torment of being deprived of even so much as
a teaspoonful of Haagen-Dazs forever.
I think I’ll go to church this Sunday … just in case.

Bob Boyd

fred and mary had been happily married for 30 years
until fred got laid off at the automobile manufacturing factory
when the plant relocated to mexico for cheaper labor.

fred was in his fifties and had no other marketable skills
than assembling parts of cars coming off the assembly line
no one could pay him anything near the money had made
at the automobile manufacturing factory

mary went to work at a large retail discount store
to help with the finances and get away from fred
who had become so depressed and miserable
that their marriage was beginning to fall apart

the manager of the store took an interest in pretty mary
paying her lavish compliments that mary began to like
soon she was in an affair with him and felt some guilt
but not enough to stop seeing him in seedy motels

a mentally broken fred found out about the affair
when a friend called him and told him about it
while mary was at work flirting with her boss
fred grabbed his AR-15 rifle and jumped in his car

he drove 80 miles an hour to the discount store
he passed a patrol car that raced after him
he forgot about killing mary and her boss
drove off a bridge into a lake’s deep waters

when the police and the divers brought his car
out of the dark waters they didn’t find fred in it
they dragged the lake and found his drowned corpse
now people claim they see his ghost at the lake

mary suffered some misfortune after that
her affair with her boss was found out
by the companies corporate headquarters
they fired mary and her boss and they broke up

seven weeks later mary’s boss died unexpectedly
after he had a terrifying nightmare of fred
during a fitful night of difficult sleep
he woke up and died of a massive heart attack

that same night mary had a nightmare of fred
he was as terrifying as demon in it
in the morning when mary woke up
she died of a massive heart attack too

bob boyd

they came through the walls,
reptilian-looking aliens,
a horrifying sight,
though only six-years-old
she was used to them.

they were her friends
and had empowered her
to be the next world leader.
she had the right intellect
and the finest implants
to be a young messiah
and win the world for them.

they charted out her path.
they cleared the way,
killed human obstacles
before they rose up.
the world was theirs
and she was one of them
inside the body of a little girl.

bob boyd

“enjoy the hell of your own making,” she said.
after she got mad at him for breaking up with her.
unknown to him, that hell meant more
than just being without her.
she had an aunt who was a black magic witch.
she paid her a lot of money for a horrific spell.
he began having terrifying, demonic nightmares,
after one of those horrifying, hellish nights
he woke up possessed and crazy.
killed himself by jumping off a bridge

bob boyd

aliens claim they created us
with occasional upgrades.
some ufologists buy into this,
but when people are clinically
dead and return to this life,
none of them see aliens
when they reach the apex
of the afterlife heights
and meet with the source
of all, the unconditional love,
they don’t see alien overlords.
of course, you could exclaim
behind the curtain stands
an alien wizard of oz.

bob boyd

he had trepidations about the haunted house impromptu tour.
the abandoned house looked as scary as people claimed,
but his fun and crazy friends persuaded him to go in.
against that small inner voice that kept warning him, he went in.
it wasn’t as spooky as he thought it would be – no ghosts,
nothing paranormal, nothing frightening, nothing spooky.
he was glad he survived the challenge without any horrors.
but when he got home and went to bed and turned out the lights,
the hitchhiker horrors haunted him with malevolent terrors galore.
his house became haunted with horrifying ghosts and evil spirits.
in the morning he was found strangled to death in his sheets,
and the same fate happened to all his haunted house tour friends.

bob boyd

someone is stalking you
you cannot see him but you
will know him when you do
he is heartless, deceptive
and a master serial killer
and he is coming after you
you will know him when
you see him as he kills you
he carries a scythe and
he is going to use it on you

bob boyd

she heard
the terrible keening
outside her bedroom window
frightened
scared to look outside
she summed enough courage
to peak out her window
into the dark, disturbing night
saw a female spirit
with red hair and
red eyes
from crying
staring at her
the next day
she was dead
banshee

bob boyd

those bastards the greys took my amie away from me.
they came through the walls. they froze me like a statue
before I could try to stop them from taking my love away.
somehow they floated through the walls with her,
and she was gone like the moon in morning daylight.
i have a horrible feeling they will never bring her back.
i was told they might be turning her into a hybrid.
oh, god how that worries me, the thought of them
turning my amie forever into a human alien freak.
it’s worse there is nothing i can do about it.
no way i can follow their otherworldly trail.
all i can do is pray and pray and pray
and hope those aliens come back again
and bring my amie back to me.

bob boyd

he met bree through a spirit box.
she said loving things to him,
though she was disembodied
they hit it off, and he fell in love.
little did he realize the talks
were just in his receptive head,
a case of auditory pareidolia.

bob boyd

anatoly moskvin had a genius IQ
and spoke thirteen languages
claimed as a child he was forced
to kiss a waxed up dead girl.

when he grew up he slept
on little girl’s graves in
graveyards so he could
talk and listen to them.

he eventually dug up the
dead children, said they
wanted to be freed from
their imprisonment in the
caskets under the ground.

he brought them home
mummified them and
talked to them and
celebrated their birthdays
with them.

he did this in his parents
home, but they said they
never knew about it and
thought anatoly had just
built little dolls for fun.

due to his suspicious grave
desecrations on november
2, 2011 the police investigated
him and found twenty-six bodies
in his apartment and
in his parent’s garage.

anatoly was diagnosed with
paranoid schizophrenia and
sentenced to a psychiatric clinic
where he remains to this day.

bob boyd

He used to love hunting, bagging bears and deers
Every exciting hunting season.
Until he saw some of his kills in a nightmare.
Somehow they had guns and shot him in the chest.
He heard the sounds of the blasting guns.
He woke up in a cold sweat relieved it was just a dream
Until he suffered a massive heart attack,
Feeling like he had been shotgunned in the chest,
He barely survived the heart attack and never hunted again.

Bob Boyd

I spied her at the grocery store;
she’d grown old, fat, and gray.
I was shocked at what age
had done to her body and looks.
I was glad she couldn’t see me
I was glad I’d died and
become an invisible ghost.

we’d had an unpleasant fling
when we were sixties hippies.
I grew to dislike her intensely
even though she was beautiful
and blessed with a great body
in her long gone youth,
she was rude and crazy.
I hope I don’t have to see her
when she dies and becomes
an invisible ghost like me.

Bob Boyd

A vampire jumped me and sang his fangs into my jugular vein.
Before I passed out, I felt like I was going to die.
Hours later I awoke traumatized and horrified.
I knew I had been cursed with the vampire virus,
and I hungered for human blood.

Yet somehow I didn’t have it in me to kill another human
or turn one into a vampire like me.
So I learned to draw my own blood and sate myself on it.

Remembering fictional vampire lore, I decided to look in a mirror
to see if I was there. I wasn’t. Not even a shadow. Not even a trace.
Desperate to try to end the curse, I grabbed the large wooden cross on my wall,
pressed it firmly against my chest and prayed to God
to deliver me from the curse. It didn’t work.
I thought about taking a knife and sharpening the cross
and plunging it into my heart, but I didn’t want to die despite the curse.

My girlfriend, Jana, knocked at my door. When I opened it she was shocked,
said I looked sick and had a pale, ghoulish complexion.
As I stood there eyeing her jugular vein I became irresistibly driven by a desire to feed on her rich, young blood.

I dastardly mesmerized her rendering her unable to resist my vampiric intentions,
and sucked the blood out of her jugular vein ravenously.
I had no qualms about what I did to her. My conscience had been annihilated,
and her sweet, warm blood flowing down my throat was supernaturally exhilarating.
When my girlfriend came to and displayed her fangs, we drifted into the night in search of prey.

Bob Boyd

Angelo loved his collie dog he named Skip.
His troublesome neighbor hated barking dogs.
Skip was a quiet dog, rarely barked
Except one night when a burglar
Tried to break into Angelo’s house,
Which woke the neighbor up and
Despite the circumstances, pissed him off.

The next day the neighbor gave Skip a biscuit.
An hour later Skip threw up and was so sick
Angelo raced him to a vet who discovered Skip
Had been poisoned and tried to save Skip’s life.
His efforts failed, and Skip died on the examination table.
Angelo, a mafioso, had seen the neighbor give Skip the biscuit.
One week later, the neighbor mysteriously disappeared,
Much to a pig farmer’s sated pigs macebra delight.

Bob Boyd

She had a thing for me
I didn’t have one for her
She said she was a vampire
Way too creepy for me
She said one day I’d be hers
Sorry won’t happen, said I
She wasn’t deterred
Too crazy to gave up
Granted she was hot
But hot and crazy
Just don’t work for me
She sent me a card
In the mail one day
Said she loved me
And I would be hers
Next day hung herself
To a horrible death
Saw her in a dream
Not long after that
Hideous as hell
Woke up cold and
With the shakes
And two puncture
Wounds in my neck

Bob Boyd

Shaivite sadhu ascetics
Dwell in graveyards
Meditate on corpses
Smear cremation ashes
All over their bodies
Eat the flesh of dead
Aging preventative
They faithfully believe

Use human skulls
For decorations
Macabre by choice
Drink alcohol
Smoke cannabis
Believe embracing
Darkness and
Social taboos

Are the ultimate ways
To higher consciousness
Non-Duality aka Advita
Enlightenment aside
God forbid if
They get ahold
Of your corpse
Kemosabe

Bob Boyd