Supposedly, The Akashic Records are a spiritual archive containing the events, thoughts, emotions, and intentions of your life encoded in a non-physical plane of existence.
Here’s my business plan: Because any bad things you did, or even thought of doing, are sealed hermetically in your Akashic Record, you probably have mountains of bad karma stored in them.
What this means to you and why it matters is because all that bad karma could condemn you to endless misfortunes, miseries, and thousands of incarnations with little chance of escaping the wheel of rebirths anytime soon. But take heart. Help is a phone call away!
Out of the boundless compassion in my heart and my unparalleled generosity, for a mere $100,000 USDs, I will use my preternatural powers to pry open your Akashic Record and scrub all the bad karma from it, like Data Removal Services can scrub anything and everything about you from the Internet.
Believe me, this is literally the deal of your lifetime or, more accurately, lifetimes. And $100,000 is a pittance to pay for the cessation of your bad karma and the terrifying things that you deserve to have happen to you. Not to mention coming back life after life and walking into eons of misery and suffering.
To take advantage of this phenomenal deal, call 1-800-BULCRAP today before your next bad karma payback tomorrow.
That’s 1-800-BULCRAP. (1-800-285-2727). All major credit cards accepted, even stolen ones (The scrubbing will absolve you off the bad karma for the theft).
Akashic Records Scrubbing Service, LLC
666 Enlightenment Way, Sedona, California 86336
