He wonders if the kundalini energy in him, that never reached full fruition in this life, will complete upon his death and merge his surviving consciousness into the cosmos aka eternal bliss cosmic consciousness.
He wonders like the Buddhist Bodhisattvas, if he’ll have a chance to forgo liberation, but instead of forgoing it to try to bring all sentient beings to total liberation, he’d like to have a choice between total liberation or a romantic liberation with an angelic woman in the heavens.
He realizes that is probably shortsighted, and that nothing he could imagine would be comparable to eternal bliss in cosmic consciousness, but the romantic in him pines for what he sees as eternal bliss with that angelic woman, like a happy ever after fairy tale, like the best feel good movie one could ever see, like the greatest love story imaginable.
Bob Boyd